“It’s the caffeine, nicotine, the miligrams of tar, its my habitat, it needs to be cleaned, its my car…” – Atmosphere

That’s a quote from a song called Scapegoat, the whole song is about shit you can blame, which is precisely the name of the game I’ve been trying not to play on here. The reason I try and avoid the blame game when it comes to my problems, is because I like to think that they’re my problems, I have control over them, and the ability to fix them should I so choose, which is mostly right. But there comes a point where no matter how fucking hard you try, how much effort you put in, how many dues you’ve paid, nor how many rites of passage you’ve been through, you still can’t change a goddamned thing in your life.

However, if I did have to choose one thing to blame my problems on? It would still be myself, if I wasn’t such a lazy worthless piece of shit I might have a better education, a better job, a better life. Maybe if I had some goddamned drive in my life I’d have the things I want and be doing the things I want to. But, that’s not the case, and until I change that, I have a feeling shit’s not going to change for me anytime soon.

Worse yet is when you can, but you do it in the worse way, or for the wrong fucking reasons. Don’t deal drugs because, “you’re on the grind”, or “tryin’ to feed my family”, that’s bullshit, there are other ways to do you, to be on the grind, hustlin’, but in a way that can better your future, not in a way that’s going to lead to violence, jail time, and possibly death, then who’s going to look out for your fucking kids? Huh? Also, you probably shouldn’t be moving to another city just to escape, deal with your problems, running away is just going to bring that shit back around at a later date when you’re even less prepared to deal with it.

All I’m saying, is that you’ve got to keep trying, stay up, and not to sound chauvenistic, but be a man, handle your shit, and do all that in the right way. Sure, life’s going to be hard, and its probably going to suck, but when it comes to an end and you and yours have survived, and done so the right way, the honest way, you won’t have anything to regret and you’ll be able to rest your weary eyes in peace. No one will be able to blame that on anyone else but you…